


A Man Walks Into a Bar.  He Says 'Ow'.

by HarveyWallbanger



Series: Hanna Is Not Fan-Wanking Disguised As a Story [4]
Category: Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name
Genre: Gen, fan-wanking disguised as a story, if Hanna is Nancy Drew then Veser is Murder She Wrote, sets up future events, super short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-25
Updated: 2012-03-25
Packaged: 2017-11-02 12:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/368945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarveyWallbanger/pseuds/HarveyWallbanger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Veser needs to try a new investigatory approach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Man Walks Into a Bar.  He Says 'Ow'.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not Tessa Stone, and this school is not Tessa Stone. I'm definitely not being paid to do this. Title is from a joke of dubious quality.

"You're not helping."  
"You should be able to do this on your own. Fucking vampire strength, and all."  
"I'm pretty sure that's a myth."  
"No. You're just too fucking cowardly to eat properly, so you're going to be weak all your life. Er, unlife. Er, fuck it- y'know what I mean."  
"Fuck you."  
"Sure. After we get this sack of shit inside."  
"I can hear you, you know."  
"If you can hear us, do something to help us shift you, ya- Ow! Motherfucker."  
It goes on like that, as Worth and Conrad, half-dragging Lamont, disappear into Worth's office. That's when Veser makes his move.  
"YoukilledLeedidn'tyou?"  
"What?"  
"YoukilledLeedidn'tyou?"  
"I'm afraid that you're talking to fast. Please slow down."  
"Never mind," Veser mutters, and sinks into the passenger seat. He waits a moment, then pops up from behind it. "YoukilledLee!"  
Ples cries out and lurches away, his glasses falling off as he does. "Please stop doing that," he says, retrieving his glasses, and cleaning them.  
"You killed Lee, didn't you?" Veser repeats, at a normal speed.  
"I don't know who that is."  
"He was my friend."  
"That's not really a clarification."  
"What the hell was going on at your house, anyway?"  
"That, I'm afraid I cannot explain."  
"Try."  
Ples sighs. "It's a very long story that I, myself, am still in the process of trying to understand."  
Veser looks at him. The look turns into a stare. The stare turns into a glare.  
Sighing, Ples takes off his glasses. "As far as I know, I did not kill your friend."  
"What do you mean 'as far as you know'? What does that even mean?"  
He doesn't get an answer, because that's when Conrad gets back into the car, slamming the door closed behind him. "Put on your goddamn seatbelt," he says through grit teeth, and then starts the car without putting on his.  
"Yours isn't on," Veser starts to say, but then Conrad looks at him, and behind the stupid glasses, Veser could swear, his eyes turn red, so Veser decides to just leave it alone.  
"I'm very sorry about this, Mr. Tibenoch," Conrad says, suddenly cooler than cool, "Would you like us to take you to hospital?"  
"No. Er, I'm afraid that they wouldn't really know what to make of me."  
"So, just home, then?"  
"Yes, please."  
Veser narrows his eyes. "What do you mean 'they wouldn't know what to make of you'?"  
Ples closes his eyes. "Just what I said."  
"But you're, like, bleeding from your guts, and I hit you in the head. Sorry about that, by the way."  
"I'll be fine."  
"Are you a vampire?"  
"Veser, shut up," Conrad says.  
"No. I'm not a vampire."  
"Are you a werewolf, or something?"  
"No."  
"Are you, uh, some kind of robot, or something?"  
There's a pause. "No."  
"You are, aren't you? Oh, man, that's so fucking cool. So, you can't, like, feel pain like human beings do?"  
"I do feel pain."  
"Yeah, but if you were a person, you'd be dead."  
"He is a person," Conrad says in what Veser is beginning to think of as his 'scary voice'.  
"Yeah, but he's a robot."  
Conrad gives him that look again, and it's probably just the streetlights that make his eyes look red, but Veser shuts up, anyway.  
Some time later, Conrad says, "Here we are." He turns off the car, and then goes around to the back.  
"So, uh, I'll see you around?" Veser says.  
"Good night," is all Ples says, sounding heavy and tired as Conrad helps him out of the car.  
"Get the hell out of there," Conrad hisses at Veser.  
"Right. Cos it's his car," Veser mutters to himself.  
He should really go into Ples' house to investigate, but he feels kind of bad at the thought of breaking in twice in one night. He shrugs. It'll just have to wait until tomorrow.


End file.
